It’s been almost two weeks now since I’ve been living smack in the middle of the big city instead of skyline viewing distance, and my only regret is that I didn’t do it sooner. Not only does our little apartment afford us an awesome view of Lake Ontario, down below, there is plenty of stuff to do – whether we’re on foot or taking the transit. With this being the first month in the center of it all, I decided to splurge on a transit pass, and I’ve been amazed at how quickly I can be whisked away to all sorts of places, all in less than 10 minutes. People watching and window shopping are becoming some of my favorite things, and yes, there are many, many, many coffee shops that offer free wi-fi that I can choose from. Sure, we caved and got internet at home, but why stay there when there are so many places to see!
I’m so relieved that I’m feeling this way. Over the last few months, an intensifying feeling of paralysis had been coming over me, one that I wasn’t just sure how to escape. I didn’t always feel much like going out, and when I did, I didn’t have the first clue where to go and what to do when I got there. It’s hard to describe, but I basically was just out of “get up and go”, which isn’t like running out of flour; you can’t just run over to your neighbour’s house to borrow a cup.
This new energy has made me feel much more optimistic about looking for and going back to a full-time job. Only a few weeks ago, I couldn’t imagine how I would find the time in a day to go to work, cook, exercise, write etc, etc, etc… Sure it sounds silly – you probably do it every day and are just fine. And you probably add taking care of your kids to the list too. I felt completely overwhelmed at the idea though. Not to mention the fact that I would get up to do one thing, start something else and get completely sidetracked. It felt like a slo-mo version of attention deficit disorder. Maybe I should see someone about that…
Is this a new page turning in my life? I really hope so. I’m just really, really tired of looking for this “something else”. This nameless thing that’s gotten me in such a tizzy like a dog chasing its tail. I’ve had the time to learn all sorts of stuff and discover new things, but I’d like to stop obsessing about finding my one “passion” and dreaming up a big dream for it so that I can make it come to life. The beauty about dreaming is that it’s supposed to just happen naturally. Have you ever tried to go to sleep and make yourself dream? Oh and make sure it’s a good one too! I’ve never had any luck doing that sleeping, and doing it while I’m awake hasn’t gotten me much further either. All the dreams that are still near and dear to my heart have come about quite naturally. And any others that have been masquerading as such have managed to frustrate me in a very short time.
So dear Universe, I would like to come back to living, doing and being. And whenever the dreams do come, please give me the wisdom to take a moment to savour them, the determination to see them through and the energy to knock ’em out of the park.This post may contain affiliate links.
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