I’m in Starbucks. Again. And do you know what else is here with me? A really bad smell. The man who brought it in with him is gone, yet the odour lingers on the big chair only two feet away from mine. While he was here though, I kept glancing over at him. If you’ve ever been on a crowded bus, you know the drill. You’re minding your own business, breathing the air contained in your imaginary bubble, when all of a sudden, something smells foul. Is it a fart? A person sleeping with their mouth open wide, exposing everyone to their smelly, smelly morning breath? Maybe someone hasn’t washed. In a week. You look around, tyring to spot the offender. AHA! You found him. Or her. You start to wonder how the heck they manage to go out in public like that, dragging with them such a stench. The bus can be boring. You need to find ways to entertain yourself.
This same little game, which has kept me quite entertained for a good part of the 12 years I’ve been living in the big city, isn’t quite the same these days anymore. Up until now, when I would spot the “hasn’t washed in a week” variety, I would always figure that the person was down on his or her luck, and wonder what twists and turns life had thrown at them to bring them into a situation like this. Recently though, this has all been replaced with a feeling of panic. What if the person was someone just like me? Or maybe someone who had a big dream. Someone who risked everything for what they believed in. Someone who followed their heart. Who relied on the Google Map that is their gut. And got lost.
I don’t know if it was the extra hour sleep from Daylight Saving’s time, but when I woke up on Sunday and saw the bright sun outside that 7:30am had brought with it (I’m sure 6am had some lovely sun too, but I missed that), a big, urgent thought pushed itself to the front of my consciousness. “Sylvie”, it said, “did you know that it’s been almost a year since you’ve held down a steady job? And amazingly enough, the Acadian hasn’t run away yet. Will you stop doing this to him and to you now? Please!”
It was a very true thought. And it got my attention. Surely, if someone were to devise a test to determine a man’s devotion to his girlfriend, what I have put the Acadian through since January would rank among the best of them. Although that wasn’t the point of any of the experiences we’ve been through together, the awesomeness of my boyfriend has been a huge ray of light during what have often been murky days, and I thank my lucky stars each day that he has a penchant for a foul-mouthed, short-haired, pig-headed woman who may very well have lost her mind while playing in last winter’s snow.
Also very true is that I’m tired of doing this to myself. The plan of doing only things I love? Good. But is that how it’s going? Not so much. Although it’s been interesting working in the jewellery store, it’s not doing much for paying my bills. Yes, part of that is the fact that I make $11 an hour. The other part of the problem is that so far this month, I’ve worked a grand total of 14 hours. Do the math.
And although a lot of people would love having so much time to themselves, well, I have had many, many, many hours of free time this year, and I think I’ve pretty much gotten the urge to do whatever it is I wanted, all the time, out of my system and I just think it would be really nice to be useful on a more regular basis.
Up until now, the idea of going back to a marketing job scared the crap out of me. A few months back when I decided to start up the search again at the urging of the Mean Lady, I had these visions of late work-nights, stressful meetings and having to put on a mask to hide the crazy person that I am, because surely, no one would want someone as wacky as me working for them. Well at least not knowingly.
So here is the newest tweak to my “do what you love” plan. I actually do quite love marketing. Some aspects of it bother me, like when I worked in cosmetics marketing for instance and realize how most of the gimmicks out there preyed on women’s insecurities about their looks. But there are a lot of great industries, wonderful products and awesome causes out there that I could be working with. And I’m sure that my creative thinking skills could be put to good use for one of them, even if some people think I’m a little out there sometimes. And so, the new goal is to find a marketing job doing something I believe in, with people I respect, with a group that will accept me just the way I am and where I can get to work on all sorts of exciting projects.
It may take a while to find something that fits the bill, but I figure I’ve already come this far, I might as well make it worthwhile. So the search is on! And um, if you have any leads for anything that matches my wishlist in downtown Toronto, you know what to do.This post may contain affiliate links.
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